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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?